Operation Rosedust

Here's translation of last post.

Anyone has several rough experiences in its past. Some of them might not be able to be put in such a light word as “rough”. And some people have to live with severe pain from the past through their entire lives. For standing the pain, it is nothing but useless to think I should forget about it or time heals everything. If you expect to be saved in such a way or treat your pain as healable scar, you should know it’s just your arrogance. No one prepares you such a heart-warming story; therefore, here’s an obvious thing: you must shoulder the burden by yourself. Whatever it is, you need to embrace it deep inside of you. That’s the life after all. That’s the only way you live in this world without killing what consist of you. If one day, If one day there’s a possibility that you can get forgiveness, that’s when you have gone through your life without truck down by your owing. But don’t take this wrong. This happy-end has nothing to do with what you have done in the past. It’s the matter of now. You, only you, belonging to this moment, this second, can make this happen. (Harutoshi Fukui, Operation Rosedust volume one, Page 280)

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これこれ↓

「誰にだって、辛い過去のひとつや二つはある。中には後悔なんて生やさしいもんじゃ済まない、一生苦しまなきゃなんない過去を抱えてる奴だっているだろう。忘れちまえばいいとか、時が癒してくれるとか、そんなおためごかしはなんの役にも立ちゃしない。救われようってのがどだい虫のよすぎる話だ。だから背負っていくしかない。それがどんなものでも背負って生きるのが人生だとおれは思う。もし赦される時があるとしたら、潰されないで歩ききった時だけだ。それは過去の中身がどうこうって話じゃない。そいつの足腰が強いか弱いかっていう、いまこの瞬間の話なんだ。」(福井晴敏, オペレーションローズダスト(上), P280)

This year, practice breakin' more!

US CPA

Passed FAR and BEC!!!!

Score was on the edge. But, credit is credit.

One of the essay topic had something to do with optimal capital structure. This was what I really studied in Finance class.  I got a lucky! I realized how I loved finance. haha.If I took PhD, I would take financial engineering. This is the field I can show my ability in the US.

Here's what I felt from exam.
FAR:
I thought I did great, But score shows I was on the edge; then I remembered if testlet was not getting difficult, my score is not good.. questions were not what I expected. not much calculations.. many theoretical problems.

BEC:
really on the edge!! As I said, I got a lucky!
I didn't know that corporation part is not the scope of the exam anymore. ohhh, mannn. I studied this area a lot... what heck!!  Other than that, many questions from control accounting as someone said in the blog.

I took the exam in Japan. test center was clean and quiet. test center was same place as TOEFL test. I felt nostalgia. 4 Years before, I was there to take TOEFL.


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ふと英訳した2年間なんちゃらの文なのだが・・・

英語と日本語でこうもトーンが変わるのかと・・・・

まあ、英語話すときと日本語話すときで随分と話し方が変わるからそれを考えればまあ普通なんだが。これが言葉に思考が絡めとられるということなのか。
言葉が人間の性格を決めるのか、その逆なのか。どっちがいいかというと、positveになるので英語の方がいい。下手にいろいろ言葉を知っていると暗くなっていかん。


あと何の脈絡もないけど、今年ジーンときた言葉。かっこいい。

「誰にだって、辛い過去のひとつや二つはある。中には後悔なんて生やさしいもんじゃ済まない、一生苦しまなきゃなんない過去を抱えてる奴だっているだろう。忘れちまえばいいとか、時が癒してくれるとか、そんなおためごかしはなんの役にも立ちゃしない。救われようってのがどだい虫のよすぎる話だ。だから背負っていくしかない。それがどんなものでも背負って生きるのが人生だとおれは思う。もし赦される時があるとしたら、潰されないで歩ききった時だけだ。それは過去の中身がどうこうって話じゃない。そいつの足腰が強いか弱いかっていう、いまこの瞬間の話なんだ。」(福井晴敏, オペレーションローズダスト(上), P280)

This 2 years was... English version!

Now, I can draw the line bw US and Japan. My 2 years war was over at 11//5; then, it was really settled at 11/28. At 11/5, after US CPA exam, I took a deeeeep deeeep breath; then, I realized this was the point I should start over. Let’s move forward. Funny thing was I didn’t have to wait till the results came out. The important thing was I could take exam with all my best condition as far as I could. As I said, 2 YEARS, man. What a tough days!!  Anyways, I went through it. Yeeeees!! Since I was in such a great mood after the exam, I smiled all the way to home. If you see me at that time, you thought I was strange or even wired. You had my word. I didn’t care though.

You might think what happened to me in those 2 years. It’s a sad story. But at the same time, it’s a usual bored story. Hope you don’t give up to read this blog for its bored.

I came back from the US 2 years ago. I could hardly explain what I felt on the plane heading to Narita. Nobody could understand my feeling except intentional students who had to go back to their country after graduation in 2009. You know important thing is always not be expressed by any words. If it does, it’s not that important after all. Still I could pick up keyword. ”Loser” simple, isn’t it? We failed to get jobs in the US. We were beaten by the US. The US told us “No needed”. This answer was not expected for me . I felt like I failed world war ll. 

When I went to the US, I had an objective, which is to work in the US at least 2 years. I believed I could do it. Since I quit my job, it is no surprise to have such goal. Who doesn’t? I quit job, men!! I’m serious.

2 years later, I went back from the US without finding job. What I felt was I AM FREAKING LOSER!! I’M CHICKEN!  Ohhh, I could not keep promise of myself. come on……  Even worse, I made terrible excuse to me like there’s a Lehman shock, there’s a recession… what an idiot I am!!! Many of my friends got jobs. Those could not be excuse. I was just a coward.

After coming back, Japanese companies were so cold to me. All companies I took interview said same thing; you could speak English, but we wanted to have a person who could be useful right after hiring. For my 2 years off, companies assumed I’m no capable of job. What a terrible joke! I was almost about to say “YOU GOT BE KIDING ME!!!”. I got what you always wanted! You always say you want to have person with good English skill. Are you out of mind???? Of course I didn’t say that. Haha….

Within such a mess, I started to study CPA. Why US CPA?? It’s the certification of the country where I got a stamp of “LOSER”. Honestly, I didn’t know why I started at that time. But now, it might be true that I wanted to talk to the US on equal footing without servile behavior.

This is why it is big step for me to take exam. I struggled in those 2 years to recover from loser. Eventually, I felt like I come back to Japan, now. Too late?? I know… still At least, I came back. This is important to me. Really, really important to me. So, I would say Hi, I’M HOME!